Alone or Nah?
I find peace in knowing God in interested in me…
It’s been 5 years since my first sermon. In the midst of those days are moments of triumphs that amplify the closeness of God; plus disappointments that gave the false perception that God was nowhere to be found. I’m thankful for His ability to cover my imperfections with His perfect love. Buried within those 5 years are several sleepless nights of studying His Word and writing His messages to share with His people. Those days capture a substantial number of attempts to enhance my intellect and wisdom, with the power of the Holy Spirit, in order to share something that would help someone… even if that someone was me.
Layered into those 5 years are periods of frustration, doubt, self-pity, challenging self-esteem and a myriad of mistakes. Those layers cradle unpleasant memories crafted by unwise and unpopular decisions; thus, reaffirming my fallible state of being. When my missteps reveal my carnal nature to periodically fail or disappoint someone — it is the same carnal nature that arises in those who witness my fall and immediately say:
This phrase suggests that my calling elevates me to a standard by which I am not meeting. Being a man of God is the sinners’ favorite catch phrase when the called take a fall and I am not above their reproach. Heavy circumstances such as adultery, substance abuse and domestic violence are major fallacies – but I’ve witnessed this sarcastic-laden tagline hurled towards my character because I forgot to call back, didn’t have the time to listen in that moment or I didn’t have the resources to meet the need of the hour. In those 5 years, I let someone down; whether intentional or unintentional, the pain is the same and so is the phrase:
And you call yourself a man of God.
He doesn’t change the course of my destiny because of who doesn’t like what I said and/or did. God doesn’t shift the trajectory of my transformation because I hurt someone and now they want to hurt me. I seek forgiveness and attempt to learn from my mistakes.
Yet there are those who have their perception of what a “man of God” should be and perfection is definitely not a prerequisite. In fact, if (perfection) was on the man of God job description, I’d (still) be unemployed. Being a man of God was not my choice, but God’s design. Every gift He gave, that enables me to share the Word of God in a unique way, was given to me by Him. I absorb His Word, I seek His understanding, I pray for his grace and mercy and yes, I still find time to be human and make mistakes; with the goal of learning from them.
Man of God ≠ Man is God.